THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
