Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
