We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
