This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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