hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize