i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
