this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just had sex on a roof
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
