i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
