Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
