just tell him i said nine months
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hippo gnu deer
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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