Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
