I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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