i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
