So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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