Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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