Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
