god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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