Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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