maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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