Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We don't watch enough power rangers
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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