Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
