More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize