quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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