you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
