Small penises have feelings too.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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