Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
