Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
