You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
