I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We are all done wearing pants today
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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