So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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