So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
