I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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