i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
