hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
