True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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