Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
