apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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