i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
