I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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