Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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