i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize