btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he shaved USA in his pubs
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
