We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
