ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
