Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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