The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize