if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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