Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
