Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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