I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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