You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize