Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
