I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
