This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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