i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
