She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize