Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
