Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
