My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
