I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
