Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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