im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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