I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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