some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
