is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize