Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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