Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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