i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
