just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
